Has Wilner Jumped the Shark?

I can't comprehend how Wilner thinks that this trade offer would be anywhere near as close as what Milwaukee would get if they put Prince Fielder on the market, but according to the normally realistic Wilner, the Jays should offer the Brew Crew this stinker of an offer:

Marc Rzepczynski OR David Purcey

Casey Janssen

Edwin Encarnacion

ONE OF Brad Mills, Daniel Farquhar, or Reider Gonzalez

for

Prince Fielder

JJ Hardy

Even if we are to assume that Hardy for Encarnacion is a wash (which is highly debatable, since Hardy probably has some value, while Encarnacion has absolutely no value, and they both have inflated salaries), the deal boils down to Rzep OR Purcey, plus Janssen, plus a slightly above average prospect for a 25 year old (looking to cash in) who has already hit 50 homers in a season, and currently has 43 homers this year and batting .300. Who cares if it's just a rental? If you're paying $2 for the rental, I'm sure some other team will offer $5.

Purcey is 27 and has done nothing in the majors or minors to suggest he will be anything more than a flamed out first round pick, and Rzep has all the scouts viewing him as a fourth starter.

Does Casey Janssen have that much trade value? Or did Wilner just have too much cough medicine the night he wrote this bizarre post??

Don't be made for a fool

So recently, the new mantra of the Jays organization seems to be "Come down to see the team play... in doing so, better things will be provided in the future." We're down to the stretch drive, the team is well below .500, the stadium pretty much sucks, and with a straight face they expect people to pay cash, use their time, and head off to see their shitty team wrap up another shitty season?

Bill Simmons recently provided two options that football fans have this year to experience the game, but I found it pretty appicable for Jays fans going down the stretch. Modifying Simmons two door analogy to Jays fans, it would go something like this:

Door No. 1 (more expensive): Lousy seats, lifeless state-of-the-art multi purpose stadium, dead crowds, drunk/bitter fans, hiked-up concession prices, no escape for other forms of entertainment

Door No. 2 (less expensive): Sofa, HD, MLB Package, fantasy scores online, remote control toggling, gambling, access to scores, beer and food in fridge, no traffic

Yes, I'm purposely leaving out the Play-by-play announcing of the game, but you always have the option of the mute button and throwing on some tunes, and having the game as more of a background as well.

In essense though, I know why guys like Cito Gaston, Vernon Wells, and Lyle Overbay go to every Jays home game. They get paid to. What's the excuse for fans to head there? Do the Jays actually believe that Jay fans have no other options?

Baseball Twats

Someone directed me towards Barry Davis of Sportsnet's twitter account, which is full of either Captain Obvious tweets or Canada Dry tweets. A sampling of perhaps the least insightful sports analysis on the planet, and what my response would be:


Barry Davis Actual Tweet: "I see Josh Towers still can't pitch. Hits Randy Ruiz in the face with a pitch. The dude is just brutal"

All Your Base Response: "Going up and in on a guy in a 0-2 count is pretty much the definition of major league pitching. Ruiz simply didn't pick up the ball. But hey, piling on Towers is pretty much par for the course in Toronto's media."


Barry Davis Actual Tweet: "Scott Downs on to pitch the 8th. His first appearance since August 1st"

All Your Base Response: Contrary to popular belief, Downs does not write J.M.J. (Jesus Mary Joseph) in the dirt behind the mound before he pitches. He actually writes the initials of his two children. Know what I did just there? Provided information about Scott Downs that is actually somewhat interesting.


Barry Davis Actual Tweet: "Travis Snider belts his 6th Homerun off windows retaurant and it left in a hurry. His 3rd since being recalled last week "

All Your Base Response: "Instead of following Gameday, why don't we follow Barry Davis' sporadic tweets which give little information, and random updates of rather trivial points of Jays games?"


Barry Davis Actual Tweet: "Roenicke in trouble in the 5th . After 2 quick outs he gives up a walk and 2 singles . Now 7-2 Rays

All Your Base Response: "Is this fucking serious?"

Rios Not Endearing Himself

So Alex Rios isn't making many new fans so far in his new city. In 20 games, a shocking .440 OPS, Rios appears lost at the plate and in the field, and single handedly is sinking the team's post season chances.

Some comments from the Chi-Sox faithful's message board from fans on their new centre fielder:

"I tell you what. some big shots in Toronto are smoking cigars and drinking cognac and laughing over the pickup by the Sox... I honestly believe that. This is my first criticism of him and I just can't believe Toronto gave him that contract. Whats even more is Williams picked this guy up... with all the dead wood on this team in Konerko, Dye , Ramirez, this guy is the deadest of them all. "

"He's a lazy slob who does nothing but suck and cash checks!!!! His teammates think he's the devil!!!! Fire Kenny Williams!!!!"

"They hung 3 curveballs IN A ROW to him today and he was under every single one. Get a clue man."

"It's like he has no brains out there and cant communicate. The time with Quentin looked like it happened because no one called the thing! And then it also happened later on that made Dye look bad, but again it's because Rios in CF wasnt taking charge."

A Night At The Can Opener

I went back to the Can Opener yesterday, not expecting much, and with these lowered expectations had a pretty damned good time. As promised, a chronicling of events that transpired last evening:

5:15pm: Meet my buddies Andy & Chad at Jack Astor's (their choice) for some pre-game food and drinks. Waitress, as per requirement, writes her name on our table. It's Nikki. After she leaves, I immediately bust out the "Cici... and Bret" which, on cue, Andy responds, "And don't forget Nikki!) (reference this Beavis & Butthead Poison viewing... [cue to the last 10 seconds])

5:49: Chad is overexcited thinking that Minka Kelly might be at the game watching Derek Jeter play. Little does he know that Jeter has the day off. And if Minka Kelly came to Toronto, it's much more likely that she would be in Yorkville than the Can Opener.

6:18: Superfast service allows us to leave the bar to head to the game. A limo pulls out infront of us, and 6 guys with Kid Rock t-shirts exit the back of the vehicle. It was a weird pastiche of cultural iconicity that made Andy certain that Kid Rock must be in that limo. None of us were concerned enough of this to investigate. Chad was really anxious to see Minka Kelly.

6:41: We buy our tickets at the ticket booth, and Chad is distracted. He points out that he notices someone familiar to him. He thinks he might be famous. Andy turns around to see who Chad is referring to. It ends up being some guy from Entertainment Tonight Canada. He's standing close to a guy who looks like T-Pain. Chad wants to ask the guy if he's T-Pain. I suggest otherwise.

6:58: Chad discovers that Jeter isn't playing. There is a single tear. Also, no sighting of Minka Kelly. I say it's doubtful she'll be sitting in the left field bleachers with us.

7:03: Some barbershop quartet is singing the anthems. Andy wonders out loud if the Backstreet Boys are the most succesful barbershop quartet of all time. I tell Andy that the Backstreet Boys had five members, so they can't be called a quartet. They'd have to be a barbershop quintet. Andy contemplates becoming the next Lou Pearlman and signing these guys. Chad reminds Andy that Pearlman is now in prison.

7:14: Joba is looking terrible, especially against this joke of a lineup. Chad is giddy thinking that Joba's pitch count and innings count could mark the promotion of Josh Towers soon... This would undoubtedly have Blue Jay fans heads explode having Hinske and Towers in the Yankee lineup at one time. Andy wonders outloud what has happened to Shea Hillenbrand. (Besides tending to his lemurs and minature horses)

7:19: Chad goes for a beer, and Halladay is mowing down batters. With a little bit of a lull, I pull out a trivia question for Andy (which I created from watching the flashback boards before the game). I ask him which five pitchers have the most saves in Blue Jays history. Andy quickly gets the top four (Henke, Ward, Koch, & Ryan), but can't think of the fifth. I give him three hints: (Primarily known as a starting pitcher, He isn't white, and he's currently in the AL West). He guesses Miguel Batista. He is wrong.

7:23: Chad gets back with his beer, Andy asks for Chad's help with the trivia question. He's given the three hints, and immediately guesses Miguel Batista. Still Wrong.

7:39: Halladay is still mowing down hitters. The bleachers are loving it. The game is actually pretty fun. I wonder if I should just simply go to Roy Halladay games. It's almost the only way to safely say that you might have a good time.

7:41: Chad says "Randy Myers?" I remind him that Randy Myers doesn't fit any of the three hints I gave him.

7:44: We realize that Rob Ducey is the Blue Jays alumni tonight for Flashback Fridays. Chad wonders if Paul Spoljaric had a previous engagement.

7:48: Chad says "Kelvim Escobar?" We have a winner.

8:12: I'm off to get a beer and notice a fairly attractive chick wearing a shirt that says "Please tell your Pants not to Point at me." Clearly, this is one classy broad.

8:26: Andy says, "Holy shit! It's a perfect game, so far!"

8:27: Halladay walks a hitter.

8:28: Andy says, "Well, at least it's still a no-hitter".

8:31: Halladay allows a base hit.

8:44: Two Yankee fans from Buffalo are pretending that there's actually a rivalry between Jay fans and Yankee fans. Blue Jay fans in the section are playfully chirping back at the Yankee fans. It seems like they are passionate, but it's hard to take the arguing seriously seeing that the Yanks are 20 games up on the Jays. Right now, it's akin to fans of Team Canada basketball chirping with Dream Team fans. "Oh yeah? Steve Nash is Canadian!!!"

9:03: Chad mentions how the Red Sox like stirring up community pride by blasting the Dropkicks in Fenway and asks if the Jays have a hometown song that riles up the Toronto fan base. Andy mentions that he's noticed that the Jays poor representation is this piece of merde.

9:56: Game was great! Almost worth the $36 tickets and $40 in booze! Off to make the best of the still young night. Contemplating going to Sunday's game.

9:59: Asked Andy and Chad if T-Pain could possibly replace Geddy Lee as the Jays #1 celebrity fan. Let's make it happen.

Diary Post Tomorrow

I'm off to see the Jays and Yanks tonight at the can opener, and thought this would be the best time to actually do a Simmonsesque-diary post of the experience, which will at least now force me to stay past the fourth inning this time around.

Is anyone else just watching the games now just to see how awesome some of the Jays opponents young prospects are? Neftali Feliz looked like a total beast this week. Evidence below: